Sometimes you walk into a grocery store that has standards—you know, the kind where they ask you to check your bags at the door. But then there’s the other kind of store, the red flag store, where no such standards exist. You saunter in, dragging your overstuffed emotional baggage behind you like an airport traveler who forgot the concept of packing light. And instead of running in the opposite direction, you grab a cart and start loading up on all those red flags like you’re a contestant on Supermarket Sweep. Oh, the irony of shopping at the Red Flag Emporium when, as women, we’ve been conditioned to look at broken things and think, “Oh, I can fix this.”
Dating these days? It’s like filling that cart to the brim with projects disguised as people. And no one knows this better than me. Take my ex, for example. We’ll call him Ryan—actually, that’s his real first name, and he lives in upstate New York. So, if any of this sounds familiar to you, congratulations! You’ve won the unfortunate lottery of dating a danger-to-women type. Feel free to comment or DM me; I’m thinking about starting an exclusive club. Monthly meetings, merch, maybe a support group wine night.
But back to Ryan. It took me months—MONTHS—of ignoring all the red flags I’d happily piled into my shopping cart to realize I wasn’t dating him out of love or compatibility or even a genuine desire to build a future together. No, I was dating him out of sheer boredom, loneliness, and exhaustion from swiping left on yet another guy holding a fish in his profile picture. I wanted to manifest love, but instead, I conjured up a clearance-bin soulmate just in time for cuffing season. Cute, right? Except it wasn’t.
Now, let me just say, I have nothing against the whole New Age manifestation movement. Light your candles, recite your affirmations, create your vision boards—I love all of it. But here’s the thing: you can manifest yourself into the wrong relationship just as easily as you can manifest a parking spot at Trader Joe’s. And that wrong relationship? It can shave years off your life, add gray hairs to your head, and help you lose 20 pounds in all the wrong ways. Ask me how I know. I still miss my curvaceous J.Lo ass.
So there I was, stuck with Ryan, the human equivalent of a DIY disaster, and all the affirmations in the world couldn’t make me ignore one glaring fact: this man was not the father of my future children. Hell, he wasn’t even fit to be a permanent plus-one to the red carpet of life. What was I doing? Why had I, a reasonably intelligent woman with access to therapy and self-help books, chosen this as my great romantic experiment?
The answer? Conditioning. That delightful cocktail of “good girl” syndrome and “not good enough” syndrome that magazines, movies, and societal expectations have been feeding us since childhood. Be nice. Be accommodating. Be nurturing. And when you meet someone who’s more red flags than substance, don’t you dare walk away—turn him into a project! Because what are women if not emotional Home Depot employees?
But here’s the plot twist: I stopped. I stopped shopping at the red flag store. I took a good, hard look at what I’d been manifesting and realized it wasn’t love—it was survival. It was settling. And it was an insult to all the women who came before me, the ones who fought, suffered, and sacrificed so I could dream bigger and demand better.
These days, I’m rewriting my own rules. I’m manifesting love that’s soul-nourishing, not soul-draining. I’m focusing on the legacy I want to leave behind, the family I want to build, and the partner I deserve to stand beside me—not as a project, but as an equal.
So, to all my fellow shoppers at the red flag store: put down the cart. Take a breath. And remember, the real magic isn’t in finding someone to fix—it’s in finding someone who doesn’t need fixing in the first place.
A Guide to Manifesting Love That’s Actually Good For You and Soul Nourishing
So here we are, standing at the precipice of my disastrous dating journey, also known as “Lessons from Ryan.” Now that I’ve walked you through my aisle-by-aisle tour of the red flag store, let’s transition to something a bit more constructive.
Let’s face it—while manifesting love is a deeply personal (and sometimes hilarious) journey, it doesn’t have to include pushing a cart full of emotional labor and broken dreams. If you’ve ever found yourself manifesting a specific person and wondering why your soulmate comes with a disclaimer, this guide is for you.
No fluff, no fake it till you make it—just real talk, with some ancestral wisdom sprinkled in for good measure. Let’s get into it.
Understanding Ancestral Manifestation
Before we dive into the secrets of manifesting love that doesn’t come with a lifetime membership to the Red Flag Store, let’s take a moment to understand the heart of ancestral manifestation.
Ancestral manifestation isn’t about microwaving a relationship with affirmations and Pinterest boards; it’s about aligning with the deep wisdom of those who came before us. It’s rooted in creating love that nurtures, uplifts, and supports—not the kind that leaves you scrolling WebMD at 3 a.m. wondering if stress acne is terminal.
To manifest a soul-nourishing connection, we need to break free from the cycle of quick-fix relationships and “potential” projects. Manifesting with integrity means honoring your essence, your worth, and yes, your ancestors. They didn’t survive wars, migrations, and plagues for you to settle for Ryan and his commitment issues.
Let’s begin.
Don’t Confuse Loneliness with Destiny
There’s a fine line between manifesting love and falling for the first person who texts you back. Spoiler: That late-night “You up?” isn’t a cosmic sign. It’s your loneliness talking.
Step 1: Clear the Baggage—Let Go of What Doesn’t Serve You
Before calling in your next great love, you’ve got to Marie Kondo your emotional closet. That means letting go of old patterns, past relationships, and the belief that your worth is tied to being chosen.
• Reflect: Are you clinging to “good girl syndrome” or “not enough” syndrome?
• Journal Prompt: “What old beliefs about love do I need to release?”
• Affirmation: “I release what no longer serves my highest good.”
Stop Manifesting From Your Ego
Manifesting isn’t about proving something to your ex, your mom, or your high school nemesis. This isn’t the Revenge Body of soul work.
Step 2: Get Clear on What You Really Want—Soul Desires vs. Quick Fixes
Take a moment to get real about what you actually want. Not the Instagram-perfect relationship, but the one that feeds your soul.
• Visualize: What does a love that helps you thrive look like?
• Journal Prompt: “What qualities in a partner will help me thrive?”
• Affirmation: “I manifest love that honors my soul and my legacy.”
Raise Your Standards—It’s Not About Settling
Love isn’t a project, and you’re not a contractor. If you’re trying to “fix” someone, you’re shopping in the wrong store.
Step 3: Align Your Energy—Manifesting from a Place of Worth
When you know your worth, you stop negotiating with red flags. Align your energy with the kind of love that feels like home—not a fixer-upper.
• Practice Self-Love: Treat yourself the way you want to be treated in a relationship.
• Journal Prompt: “How can I embody the love I desire in my own life today?”
• Affirmation: “I am worthy of a love that nourishes my soul.”
Red Flags Aren’t Cute. Stop Ignoring Them
Stop pretending that toxic behavior is a quirky personality trait. Love shouldn’t be a guessing game or a DIY project.
Step 4: Invite in True Love—Beyond Red Flags and Projecting
Empowered dating means recognizing red flags for what they are—deal-breakers, not puzzles to solve.
• Reflect: How will you honor yourself and your desires in relationships?
• Journal Prompt: “What will I no longer agree to?”
• Affirmation: “I invite in love that uplifts, supports, and nurtures me.”
Love is a Verb, Not a Checklist
The best relationships are built, not bought. Mutual respect, shared vision, and communication are the real deal.
Step 5: Building Soul-Nourishing Relationships—Ancestral Love Practices
Your ancestors knew the importance of building relationships rooted in shared values and mutual respect. Learn from their wisdom.
• Journal Prompt: “How can I build a relationship that honors my family’s legacy?”
• Affirmation: “I create a partnership rooted in respect, love, and legacy.”
Society Doesn’t Get to Define Your Love Story
Reclaiming your power starts with rejecting societal rules about who you should love and how you should show up in relationships.
Step 6: Embrace Sovereignty in Love—Owning Your Power
Love that nourishes starts with honoring your truth, even when it challenges societal norms.
• Journal Prompt: “What false agreements about love am I ready to break?”
• Affirmation: “I am the author of my love story, and I choose freedom and joy.”
Manifestation is Supposed to Be Fun
If manifesting love feels like a job, you’re doing it wrong. The universe responds to joy, not pressure.
Step 7: Infuse Joy into the Manifestation Process—Dance with the Universe
Laugh, celebrate, and enjoy the process. Manifestation should feel like a celebration of life, not a chore.
• Practice Gratitude: Celebrate the love already in your life.
• Journal Prompt: “What would it feel like to receive the love I desire?”
• Affirmation: “I manifest love with ease, joy, and abundance.”
Trust the Timing—Stop Micromanaging the Universe
Love isn’t Amazon Prime; you can’t track it. Trust that the universe—and your ancestors—are working behind the scenes.
Step 8: Surrender to Divine Timing—Letting Go of Control
Stop obsessing over when and start living in the now. The best things in life come when you least expect them.
• Journal Prompt: “How can I trust the process of manifesting love?”
• Affirmation: “I trust that my desires are manifesting in divine timing.”
Note to Self
Manifesting love isn’t about casting a spell on a specific person or trying to force the universe’s hand. It’s about aligning with your truth, honoring your worth, and trusting that the love meant for you is already on its way. And when it arrives? You won’t need to push a cart full of emotional baggage to meet it.
You’ve got this—and Ryan’s not invited!
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